


Dig deeper (hiatus)

by Inkbits



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Alive Hannah Baker, Denial, Drugs, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Drug Use, Protective Tony, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Self-Denial, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-05-21 19:40:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14921628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkbits/pseuds/Inkbits
Summary: Clay bit his lip as he looked away. he stared at the beige curtains blocking him and whoever was on the other side of it, "Do my parents know?" He asked"Of course they do I called them.""Anyone else?""No."aka: Alternate Universe where Hannah's alive and Tony's suuuper protective over Clay, and Bryce is a bisexual homophobic dick.





	1. Chapter 1

Soft but delicate hands gripped the desk at the end of his bed. Everything felt dizzy and blurry, he felt like he was going to faint but he held himself by the tip of his desk barely, barely held himself. How many pills was it? that he took? five? seven? he wasn't sure, he gave up on holding the desk finally falling to the floor. Though it seemed like his phone was far away from him it was actually on top of the desk, had his parents not gotten him that phone he would've definitely been dead, he didn't call the ambulance but he called Tony, why Tony? Why not Jeff? Or Hannah? He was technically to out of it to understand. But he heard sirens, and heard Tony's voice calling his name. Had he called the police? Why? Well that's a stupid question, obviously he was going to anyway after you left him an inaudible call.

Everything was dark, as he hadn't realized he passed out, but he still felt the hands of the paramedics grip him and put him on the racket, he could hear Tony cursing in spainish and him frantically calling his parents to tell them the news, they weren't going to answer right away of course, they're busy people. Too busy for their son. Everything was silent finally, had he died? Did he finally succeed in his mission too kill himself and end this terrorizing and depressing nightmare? He wasn't too sure.

Five hours later he heard beeping a loud an annoying beeping sound. He stirred in his sleep with a groan as he meant to shut it off as he thought it was a alarm, but hit his hand in a hard cold metal stand that the beeping noise stood on. He hissed as he reacted his hand back holding it, his vision was still blurry but he could see clearly now that where he was at, everything was white and a light baby blue. "W-where-" his voice was dry and weak as he tried to talk he was interrupted "You're in the hospital." Came Tony's voice as he stood fully awake hands in his pockets, "They uh found you passed out in you're room from the pills, you uh wanna tell me what that was about?" He asked voice presistant Clay looked down hands slightly raising as he tried to make up an excuse, "I uhm.." he said lowly "Don't worry we have all day here, because the doctors think it's best that they run some more tests on you, cause ah you know they don't you're stable enough to be alone yet." he moved to sit an inch on the bed Clay shook his shoulders "I got nothing this time alright? Nothing." Tony let a chuckle a sarcastic one at that, "Nothing huh? You're going to tell me you downed ten pills in one hour and it was all for what? nothing. Nah see Clay that's where I know you're lying." Tony expression showed and he seemed pretty upset, and what really annoyed Clay was that he was getting into full on protective mode.

Clay bit his lip as he looked away. Staring at the beige curtains blocking him and whoever was on the other side of it, "Do my parents know?" He asked

"Of course they do I called them."

"Anyone else?"

"No." And he felt relieved, Hannah knew oh she most definitely knew he couldn't keep anything away from her. But Jeff, he could never explain to Jeff why he was like this. Never.

The curtains moved and appeared was a frantic and scared Hannah, "Oh thank god you're alright." She said breathly as she hugged him tightly parting slowly when he couldn't get air. Her expression changed from worry to anger "What fuck was is wrong with you? you nearly gave everyone a heart attack?!" She batted his arm but it wasn't rough Clay was just over dramatic.

Clay flinched at her touch, rubbing the spot where she had touched it as if protecting himself. He couldn't even come up with a answer to her questions as she sighed and sat down on a chair, "at least you have some since enough to call someone when you try doing stupid shit like this."

Tony's phone rang throughout the hospital as he moved out of the room to answer it, he knew it was his parents, and he dreaded them coming  over to hospital he just wished they'd stay at work. 

Tony remerged from the curtains, "That was uh you're parents, they're going into be here in an hour." 

Clay didn't say anything, he had hoped they'd be to busy for work to come visit him, now he just has to wait this long dreaded hour.


	2. Episodes

It was quiet. No one spoke and Clay hated every minute of it, it was deathening. The silence, he didn't like it not one bit not at all and for a moment he knew they where upset who? His parents of course but he couldn't seem to care at this point. 

His face shown exhaustion and sleeples nights, he could hardly even stay focused at all even. Tony stayed with him through the night though he rather not be the cause of another break up which Tony insisted that had nothing to do with him, but according to Tony's ex it was and he regretted every minute of it but hey? It wasn't his fault. 

 

Hannah left two hours ago to get us all something to eat, he didn't even realize that he was hungry until she mentioned the word 'food'.

She came back with the promises of delicious heart attacking food that was McDonalds, everyone ate quietly and nervously of the awaiting parents. Hannah sipped her coffee as she leaned back in the uncomfortable hospital chair, "Soo...Helmet, are you going to end up telling Jeff about this or?" Her hands moved she talked, they where all hoping we'll at least those two where hopeing he would at least tell Jeff that two-year boyfriend he had been dating about this situation, they had known about the incident that happened at Kat's party and he had been keeping it from everyone execpt the two that had found out and they had already been fed up with him keeping it a secret so long.

"I told you I'll get to it," he muttered as he reached for his drink Hannah laughed "Yeah you told me that like three months ago." Clay huffed "Look okay it's not easy, you don't just go up to you're boyfriend and be like all cauaslly ''oh hey by the way even though you're friends on a team with Bryce Walker, when we were at Kat's party he raped me.'" he said in a low mocking voice to avoid others prying ears 

"Okay smartass, I'm meaning it like that. But you can't keep going on like this!" She stood 

"Two-year Clay, you might've not been the only one, there could be others just like you you're not alone" 

He scoffed "Oh yeah? Oh yeah like who? as far I seen there's not really alot of guy rape victims, what-what-how would know how it feels like to be raped? To hide from it? because you're a guy, or guy that leads the whole damn basketball crew owns nearly the damn entire school and you-you can't do shit about it, you can't report this shit Hannah,  I'm a fucking guy, I'm not a girl. How would you fucking know how it feels to be raped!?" He didn't realize they where both shouting until his parents walked in, shock on their faces. "Clay..." his mother began "Clay is there something you want to tell us?" His father finished voice smooth 

He was about to speak but Hannah cut him off "Yes, there is Mr. and Mrs.Jensen, there is." They looked at her intently waiting for answers, Clay didn't speak. "During a party, during Kat's party my uhm best friend, there was yes drugs, drinking. Everyone got drunk and everyone just did something -" she paused hands firmly on her hips "Uhm, there's this kid, he's the leading person of the basketball team, his parents are well...wealthy, and Uhm..I was there, I was in the closet to confirm that....He got raped..." She muttered lowly, Clay glanced at her and mouthing a  low '' _what the fuck Hannah?!'_  

"Wha-wha, did you see who he was, did you know him?" His mother stuttered, "I uh.." She looked at clay then back at her "I, it was to dark to see anything and...I was scared and I was hidden in the closet so I couldn't really make out a face." She lied

Mrs.Jensen nodded her head, muttering an 'okay', "Uhm think it's best if you should get home and-and thanks for staying with him, Tony should be outside or if you want my husband to give you a ride back?" 

Hannah declined, "Uhm no thanks Mr.Jensen I'm fine." And just like that she left pushing the curtain slightly to leave, and like she said Tony was waiting outside leaning on his car.

"Too dark to see huh?"  He asked opening his car door to get in, "Look It already wasn't even my place to tell, don't start with this bullshit." 

"Bullshit huh? Look Hannah rather you like explaining it to him or not or if we have to even so much as do it ourselves - because you know he isn't going to do it himself- We need to tell them to tell the school, We can't keep this much hidden that longer Hannah." 

Hannah chuckled angrily, "You don't think I know that? You don't think I don't know that my best friend is hurting? And I can't do shit about it because its fucking Bryce Walker." 

"It's fucking Bryce Walker Tony, how am I supposed to stand up to him?" 

Tony sighed "Look I don't know, I really don't. All I know is Clay can't keep living like this." 

"Great." She said "Just fucking great Tony," of course she was going to be angry and she was going to show it. 

"Yeah, thanks great Tony. Yeah see you at school," she said as she headed toward her car, Tony grunted "God dammit." 

It had to be Bryce Fucking Walker didn't it?


	3. Remincising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen heads to Bryce's to get Jeff, It doesn't go as exactly as planned.

_"You Know I never took you for the stoner type of guy Jensen."_

_"Look I uh - I just came here for Jeff, Bryce, and I'm not a stoner."_

_Bryce laughed "Hey_ _stay awhile, the jocks and I are hosting a little party for ya know the victory of crestmonts only basketball players."_

_"I really would just like to get Jeff. Bryce,"_

_"Sure you do - Why don't I uh stash a pack on you're way as well Jensen?"_

_"I'm not a smoker Bryce,"  he repeated_

_"Well that's not what the schools saying Jensen." hands gripped the door knob as they attempted to open the door but where gripped by a stronger pair, "Stay awhile won't you?  C'mon you can hang out with Jeff even Jess is here."_

_A chuckle, "I'm not in delusion like Jess. Bryce, now get Jeff and let the fuck go of my fucking hand." Bryce chuckled his hand gripped harder "I - could get Jeff," he got closer bodies touching as Clay was pushed up against the door now "Or you and me could go upstairs and finish what we started how about that?"_

_Jensen got closer almost like he was attempting to kiss him but instead he hostility said "Go fuck yourself Bryce Walker"_

_"You see Jensen this is where you complie and let me fuck you, but instead you fucked up and this is where I take you up those fucking stairs," he was grabbed by the shoulders shoved heavily up against the door nearly bruising his shoulders in process, "Come on Jensen we can do this the easy way or the hard way," Bryce grunted as he grabbed him nearly picking him up but he was being half dragged as he kicked the wall, chairs, desk anything to put his weight on the jock Bryce was shoved back a couple of times almost toppling over until he finally had enough and shoved him to the ground hard face hitting the hard wooded ground._

_He grunted as he heard Bryce unbuckle his belt and heard the zip of his pants "C'mon Jensen this is just going to be nice and slow, nice and slow right?" He breathed against his ear hands ruffling up his body._

_Outside of Bryce's house  loud music was heard   as drunk jocks where seen along with a few cheerleaders, Jeff stood in the corner of Bryce own man cave like house._

_He stopped drinking beer after a few sips deciding to go smart and sip at the cola from the red cup in his hands, "Hey hey Atkins you turning in early or what?" Marcus called out putting a arm over his shoulder_

_"Uhm, yeah I think. Yeah I just called Clay over to come and get me." Jeff mumbled his speech slurred a bit, "aw what c'mon dude, it's a party don't turn in now!" Jeff chuckled "Thanks but Uhm, I have a test tomorrow and uh I also need to study."_

_"Dude total party killer, don't talk about tests please" Justine grunted_

_Alex perked up at the conversation of Clay, "D-did you uh, did he say what time he was coming?" concerned was showrd Alex had yes known about Bryce and his little outcome and he was more than ever worried for Clay even though he doesn't even fucking know why. Marcus laughed "What are you worried about Alex? What turning in to?" Alex shook his head quickly "What? No no, I'm uh going to get some ice -" he stood up from the chair and headed out quickly walking inside Bryce's house._

_"C'mon Jensen that's it yeah," Bryce grunted as hands gripped Clay's waist tightly bruising the sides as he did couple of more thrusts before coming inside of him, Jensen was quiet the whole time the only thing silencing him was Clay's own mucus choking him so he didn't cry out, Bryce sat up slowly buckling his pants and zipping it up, Clay stared blanklessly at the wall as he too slowly sat up gripping a nearby desk which was fragile a picture frame dropped and it broke glass everywhere, Clay looked at slowly. "Don't worry about it," Bryce said winking at him as he glanced at him, Bryce turned to see Alex standing there but when he was noticed he blinked and looked down "I uh, I came to get some ice" he lied_

_Bryce nodded, "I'll go get Jeff yeah?" He told Clay walking pass Alex as they brushed shoulders, everyone well more like him and Alex where breathing hard as they glanced at each other,  Clay looked like he was about to fall over as he held himself steadily._

_Alex moved to help him but Clay hissed as his sides burned as he sat him down in the couch, ClaysC face was matted in bruises one especially with his eye, bags hanging heavily under them._

_The sliding doors opened and Jeff emerged from it,  "Clay What happened?" Jeff looked walking over to him, Bryce stood in the door way glancing at him. Clay looked down voice shaking "I..."_

_"He fell, he uh early at school when hevwas riding his bike he fell." Alex spoke up_

_"Yeah, Yeah. I - It's nothing don't worry about it." He nodded_

_Jeff nodded "You - need to be more careful on the bike Clay. C'mon you gotta take my drunken ass home," Clay nodded and gripped the edge of the couch as he avoided the pain in his body he stood sharing a glance with Alex as they left out of Bryce's place_

"Hey! Clay! Clay! Jensen!" a hand waved over Clays face which consisted of forming bruises, he jumped slightly from long remincising day dream, he spotted Alex who sat down across from him at Monéts.

"No Jeff?" 

He shook his head no 

Alex nodded and looked around as he deemed it clear he looked back at Jensen tense, "so how's the hospital bill going?" Alex asked before Clay could reply  Skye came over asking if he needed anything he ordered a black coffee with lots of surgery it was obvious he hadn't been sleeping with the bags under his eyes shown greatly she left back to do her usual rounds. 

"How did you know about that?" Clay asked in a whisper like tone, not that it didn't matter anyways 

Alex shrugged "The whole fucking school knows man, they know you tried to kill you're self, they've been saying shit."

Clay laughed sarcastically "Of course they are," 

"They know...someone's been..telling people that you where raped, that Bryce Walker raped Clay Jensen, and...Jeff..Jeff's not happy about especially since you uh haven't been talking to him lately.." Alex mumbled 

"What?" He asked confused, then upsettingly says "No one, should know about that expect Tony, and Hannah." He sounded almost angry 

"Well they know, I know, Justine knows, Bryce knows because he was the one that raped, fucking Jeff knows" 

"Who the fuck told them!" Clay asked loudly as his hands slammed on the table people glanced over but as soon as they did the two quieted down as they both slouched glancing at the table. 

Alex leaned in "Look I don't know, I didn't, maybe you need to talk to Hannah or Tony. Because if it wasn't them it was probably Bryce, or Justine. Because Jeff - Jeff is fucking pissed. He got suspended Clay, he got suspended for three days and he got benched because he nearly kicked Bryce's fucking ass Clay, for you. Because he found out by someone, someone who wasn't me Clay."

Clay let out another sarcastic laugh "and why should I believe you? H-how, how do I know you didn't back stab and tell everyone in the damn school, that you told Jeff huh? Why should I fucking believe you?!" 

"Because-Because Bryce Fucking Walker raped me too Clay, you're not the only fucking victim." 


	4. Let's talk

"Okay class and don't forget to turn in you're assignment for this weeks lesson!" The teacher yelled out as kids took off out the door heading towards lunch, Clay Jensen was not up for that to say he was particularly starving himself wasn't technically the answer, more like he couldn't keep his food up everytime he saw Bryce,  they where just inches apart that's what it felt like even though he was four tables away, it felt like four inches. 

Nevertheless he stood up gripping his backpack close to his chest, he tried to hide the grappling anxiety that was building up in his body and tried to hold back what empty liquid he had in his stomach, finally gaining what little confidence he had he swung his backpack over his back, gripping on to the strings that held his backpack together. 

The lunch room was crowded as kids ran around like kindergartens to get their lunch, "Hey Jensen!" he froze, he knew that voice, the loud mockingly laughing voice, his heart started to beat fast as his breathing paced quickly he felt like everyone was watching him as he forced himself to look up he saw his face for the first time since being away from school and out of the hospital he nearly swung the other direction running into Justine as he mutters and mumbles a "Sorry," and backed away already feeling lightheaded he hears Jess ask him 'What fuck is going on with you Clay?' but he hardly heard that part a hand grabs him and drags him out of the crowded lunch area leaving behind a few confused jocks in their place, he's brought somewhere quieter and less crowded he finally realizes he's up in the front of the school. 

 He looks up to the person who saved him from experiencing that torturing,  _Jeff!_ "J-Jeff!" He shouts a bit as he stutters, Jeff sits down next to him, he doesn't look good he looks horrible! Bags under his tanned nice smooth skin his hair ruffled up messily, he looks a bit thin too but still has the muscles. 

"W-when where you going to tell me Clay?" His voice cracks as he licks his dry lips staring at Clay deeply hurt was in his eyes, "Huh? Where-When where you- you think you could hust ignore me and I'd forget about it? Huh?" 

He feels bad, he ment to tell him he really did! But just the thought of him mention Bryce- It's just oh God! He feels like he's going to puke! 

"I thought you cheated on me! I had get the full story from Alex! From Alex! Not you! Because apparently he was the only one that saw it happen!" 

He chewd his lip "I-I met to tell you, I really did! I-I just-" 

"You just what Clay? Just What? When he does it again to you? Or when you kill yourself you're gonna mention it in a fucking tape? Yeah I heard about that to from Hannah!" He sounded angry 

And he had every right to be, but Clay was angry as well, angry at Hannah for telling on him, angry at Alex for explaining it to him, "It's not - no I meant to tell you everything! It's just -" he couldn't muster the words at all and felt helped anxiety building up his system

Jeff chuckles angrily "Whatever Clay, do what you want  when you finally wanna talk to me again you know where to find me." He stood and left 

He didn't go after him.


End file.
